How do you lower the bar when you're out of balance?

A high bar can take you far and yield a lot. But there also comes a time when it bothers you and it feels double. You notice that you want to get rid of it or at least that it becomes less. You often notice that you want it differently, because you are not feeling well and you do not want to collapse. You want to prevent that.

Meeting expectations

First, look at your expectations. The ones about yourself and the ones you think others have about you. Maybe you have the idea that you set that high bar for yourself, because you like it and it gives you focus. But it could also be that you are very busy with the other. What someone thinks about something or that you imagine what the other expects of you. You want to meet that. This is often the reason that you are always 'on'.

If you are always busy with the expectations of others, then you are externally motivated. You project external expectations onto your behavior by, for example, the thought 'What will others think of me?'. And you have to meet that in your opinion. Otherwise it is not good. That also means that you are on your toes to carry out the other person's bar. So it is not so strange that you are out of balance.

Question for you: What roles do you have and what expectations come with them?

Your own and those of others. Think of roles such as: partner, mother, employee or entrepreneur, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister, sister-in-law, friend, caregiver, yoga or sports buddy, and so on.

Meeting an ideal image

In addition, your high bar can also have to do with the fact that you often compare yourself to others. That you look at how others do it. For example in the role of mother, colleague or friend. In this way you create a perfect picture for yourself that you have to meet, but that costs you a lot of energy. Because this is not you. Do you know what your ideal image is?

Letting go of who you think you should be

It may well be that you discover that you are trying so hard to please someone else or to live up to your ideal image. That is why you are who you think you should be. In order to let go of this, you need to be gentle with yourself. Because now you are often critical of yourself and that is why you are not comfortable in your own life. That causes stress and tension in your body.

By being kind and gentle to yourself you create more inner peace. Experience calmness to be satisfied when you have done something well. To feel connected to yourself and to others. To feel safe in yourself. Then your body comes to rest and relaxes.

Question for you: When is it good or enough for you?

Start from your need or wish, what you would do differently and who or what you need for that.

Letting go of what you think or do that no longer fits

You slowly realize that you live mainly from your head. That is why you are stuck and feel a lot of tension. The moment you move more with life, you see that space is created that you can fill with the things that you have wanted to do for a long time. For yourself, from your self-esteem. For your work, your environment and with your family.

Being and staying in motion from the question of what your wish or need is, your intrinsic motivation, is part of life. See it as something natural that makes you feel what you need. If you live that way, you also make easier and more conscious choices that fit your own balance. From your heart, from what is really important.

💡 Tip: acceptance

Accept that things don't always have to go well (right away). That if there is no balance, that's okay too. Step by step, that balance will return. And it will go away and come back again. That too is in motion. That's what you're human for. Be aware of this and stay kind to yourself.

If you want to know more about this, read on in the PosiYou Inspiration Activity Book 2 .

The author: Yura Boerma

Yura from Happlify crew member PosiYou is one of the first coaches to join Happlify. It is the go-to if you are looking for more control over your life. Yura's blog posts >