Busy is not happiness: why keeping your schedule clear is not a failure

You're running from meeting to meeting, your to-do list growing faster than you can tick off, and when someone asks how you're doing, you automatically say, "Busy, busy, busy!" as if that's a compliment. Spoiler alert: it's not. Being busy has become a status symbol. But does it actually bring happiness? Absolutely not.

The busy-as-a-medal syndrome

There are two camps when it comes to being busy. The "I'm so busy" team (with pride in their voice) and the "If you're busy, you're doing something wrong" team (with a judgmental undertone). The truth? It lies somewhere in the middle. Because yes, sometimes things just get busy. Kids, work, housework, social obligations—it all piles up. But somewhere along the line, we've started using "busy" as our default response. As if being quiet means you're not important enough.

Sound familiar? You're sitting on the couch in the evening, finally having some time to do nothing. And then? You feel guilty. Because you could still exercise, fold that laundry, answer that email, finish that project. We've taught ourselves that sitting still equals laziness. But sometimes your brain just wants to do absolutely nothing.

Tip 👉 Start Happlify's free Make it Slow challenge today!

Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves?

Good question. Part of it is societal. Social media only shows the highlight reel of people who seemingly combine everything: working full-time, three hobbies, a perfect family, and getting up at 5 a.m. every day to exercise. Part of it is learned. Maybe you grew up with the idea that hard work is the only path to success. Or that you can only be proud if your schedule is overflowing.

The point is: constant pressure drains your energy. And not just physically. That constant pressure makes you lose your sense of self. What do you actually want? What makes you happy? No idea, because you don't have time to think about it. You're on autopilot, and that's precisely the problem.

Raising children, building a career, running a household—it's already a full-time job in itself. Add a course, exercise routine, and an active social life on top of that? It's no wonder all you can do in the evenings is watch Netflix. (And that's perfectly fine, by the way.)

From busy to happy: here's how

Stop. No, really. Stop for a moment. Not tomorrow, not after that one project, but now. Ask yourself: does all this really have to happen? Or do I think it does?

Spoiler alert: We often think things are necessary that shouldn't be. That class you really don't feel like attending? Skip it. That birthday party you're dreading? Send a card. You don't have to say yes to everything to be a good person.

A few things that help to go from pressure to happiness:

• Block off time for nothing . Literally. Mark "free" in your calendar and treat it like an important appointment. Because it is.
• Eliminate one thing a day . Look at your to-do list and consciously cross something off. The world won't end if you answer that one email tomorrow.
• Check your screen time . We often think we don't have time, but instead, we spend hours scrolling through social media. You could also use that time for something that truly makes you happy.
• Say no more often . Difficult? Yes. Necessary? Absolutely. "No" is a complete sentence, and you don't have to justify it.

Also read: 👉 How to say 'no' (and 'yes' to yourself) more often?

Happiness as a new benchmark

Imagine if we stopped asking, "Are you busy?" and started asking, "Are you happy?" It might be a bit awkward in the supermarket, but you get the point. We measure success by busyness, when it should really be about fulfillment, peace, and yes: happiness.

That doesn't mean you can never do anything again. It means making more conscious choices about what you do. That you don't automatically say "yes," but first feel if something suits you. That you don't see rest as a reward for hard work, but as a basic right.

So the next time someone asks how you're doing? Try something other than "busy." Maybe "Fine, I just had a quiet morning" or simply "Okay, nothing special." It might sound boring. But maybe boring is the new happiness.

Want to know how digitally addicted you are? Take the free test on Happlify and discover how much time you really spend scrolling. Spoiler alert: probably more than you think. 😉